This issue has been bothering for a while now. I am not the promiscuous type. I was a virgin all through my university until I started working in one of the states. She was my first and has been the only one. I have been having relationship problems in the sense that I it’s just so difficult for me to get emotionally attached to a lady. I am straight so don’t think the other way round. I tried to see if I could work this out with her, but along the line, I lost interest again. So just before my relocation, she said she wants to see me one last time before I travel, I tried to lie to her that I am unavailable,but then she made it seemed like I didn’t want to see her, I felt sorry and said no problem that she can come around. I have only had sex with her once but with protection, on this her second visit, she said she wouldn’t want protection anymore as she doesn’t enjoy sex with condom, and that she wants to enjoy sex before I leave. I told her I am not comfortable with the idea as I don’t want her to get pregnant as she is still a student in one of the universities. She said she can only get pregnant if she wants to, and that as a student, she doesn’t want that yet. When she came over, the did happened but even then I still used a condom, condom broke on 3 occasions, then I decided to raw, and when I felt I was about to release, I pulled out. Even though I pulled out, I was uncomfortable because I have heard that precum can also get a lady pregnant. I was scared about any possibility of infection too. Took her to the hospital the next day, did HIV and other STD tests which came out negative. We went together to see the doctor for post pills, but she declined taking any that since I didn’t release in her, she will be fine. And that she has pills she can take too. I was furious at her, but had to respect her decision as it is her body.
Three weeks after, she called that she thinks she’s pregnant, that she missed her period which is very unusual. I was so mad at her and told her, I didn’t want to hear any of that as I made it clear to her from the beginning. She started crying and got emotional, that got to me and I told her not to worry, that I will pay her bride price and marry her. I earn about half a million monthly, so I believe I can take care of her and the kid. She paused and said she needs to think about it. Regarding abortion, I already told her, my tradition forbids me from giving any form of material and financial assistance to her to do that, if at all she wants to do it, it has to be her sole decision. I made it clear to her that I won’t be involved in the decision to abort the pregnancy. She called back after a couple of minutes that she is not comfortable with my decision to marry her, that I want to do that because of the pregnancy. She asked if there was no pregnancy,would I have chosen to marry her, I told her, I don’t know. She said then that she is going to abort it, I pleaded with her not to abort seeing the possibility of me becoming a dad soon, she said she will go ahead to abort, that her friend have gotten her some meds already. She called few days later that she just got the drugs, and have taken them, and that she is experiencing blood flow and stomach ache, that I shouldn’t abandon her in this difficult time. I said no problem, so I kept calling to check on her very often. After a week, I stopped calling as usual, and that became a problem. I wanted her to move on with her life.
I kept in touch with her and supported her financially when the need arose. When I told her, I am back to the same city with her, she said she wanted to see me that it’s very important, I said what’s so important that we can’t discuss over the phone, she said when I see her I will know. Well, when the day came for her to see me, I told her I was unavailable, then she coded I was avoiding her. We chatted, and she told me the pregnancy is still there. I told her to stop messing with me as I am currently trying to move on and build a new relationship. She insisted, then I said well, if you are, deliver the child, I will take responsibility. She said is that all I have to say, that I want to make her my Baby Mama? I then asked her, what more does she want? I offered marriage before, but now, that’s no longer on the table. When the baby is borne I will take responsibility. Well, long story short, at the end of our chat, she said, she was never pregnant, and that she will only get pregnant if she wants to. I then told her, I am not going to forgive her in a hurry.
Since then, we stopped communicating. Recently,I saw her WhatsApp status with her visibly pregnant in the picture. I have been seeing most of her status update on Facebook and WhatsApp, I feel so sorry for her most of the time. She has done nothing wrong but love me. The problem is me, I can’t seem to be able to really love back the way I ought to. Feelings die after few weeks and months. This happened to all the 6 ladies I have dated.
My worry right now is, could she be carrying my child? I didn’t release in her, but there could be a possibility of precum. One of her friends once called me that she noticed she is pregnant, and I am the only one she has known to be dating her. She claimed to have called me without her knowledge and consent and ask if she told me she was pregnant.
I was a good boy and should have remained a virgin till marriage if I had known. Now look how complicated my life just got. I never wanted to have kids with different women. I haven’t really been myself since. If you are a young single guy, please learn from my experience.
For the mature minds in the house, what do you advise I do about my present predicament?